Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
