someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.