spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
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I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
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I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.