Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
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My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?