My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It was confusing and full of hummus
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
