we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
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WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
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Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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