UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
