In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
