She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
