After last night, I could never be a politician.
My hand turned me down
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
