We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
