I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
