just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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