I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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