mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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