GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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