there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
