my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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