Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
