highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
