Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Come share oat with me in your robe
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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