I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
