Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
