Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
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Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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