The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
