Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
