She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
