She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize