The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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