In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
