i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
