and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
