I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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