i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
