If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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