By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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