just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
