me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
