Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
