i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
