I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
