True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
