I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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