No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
