Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
