What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I enjoy the company of your penis
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