Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
