I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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