i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
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