There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
