I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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