I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
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These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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