Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
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