FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
