White coat. Heels.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I CAN MOONWALK!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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