All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
