I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
