I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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