What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
