Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
