My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently the secret to your success is patron
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Randomize
