I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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