So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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